This is something more than a blog. I have to write it down because as the life goes on, such precious moments come along once a lifetime. I tend to think of myself as being a complex person. People mostly say that they cant understand another person. I beg to differ as I say I cant understand myself. For any of the problems associated with me, I had a lame excuse to fall back upon: Single Child Syndrome. One of the most complex issues in my life would be a topic called as Love. I could never distinguish between Love and Infatuation for a long part of my life. I do try to resolve the issues in my life just as the snake sheds its skin, but unfortunately a new skin grows back to be shed again :(..
Anyways this topic wasnt meant for describing me; it was meant to be written about the ONE I dont know when I fell in love recently; hell I even wonder did that actually happen? But somewhere along the lines, I knew I was loving her. Without me realizing it myself, feelings started blossoming. I knew it was a mire and so I must be careful with my next step...but as they say, the "Blind" feature of love made me tread forward.
I knew I loved to be close to her, I knew my heart would pound with excitement and eagerness as we would chat, be it on the Google talk or when we met. But the "Kambaqth" part of it was my weakness not to express it. As most of my friends would say, I lacked the "Balls" to go forward which maybe true to some extent. But maybe I was driven by the thought of failure and the One thing which I fear the most: her friendship. I have come under pressure from my friends who have told me to go down the track and hit a six which is a metaphor for "jaake bol de seedha, dosti ko pyaar mei convert kar". I wish life was this simple, but constant thoughts at such advices have led me to realise the lives of both of us getting affected. It shouldnt end as a travesty such that when I walk past her house, I would be thinking " It would ve been different if I had handled it some other way...". As I write this blog, my heart is convinced that I am in love with her but my mind being more realistic knows that there is a slim chance of me getting a similar response from her. What would happen in the future, no one knows. But am I capable of changing it, maybe yes. Probably I could never say; I never had the guts to say so. I have her fragrance close to me, atleast the cologne which she uses :P . As of now, all I can hope is she finds a close and dear friend in me as that is what I crave for than anything right now.
For me, love in my life has been like a diode: its one way (forward bias); if there were to be a reverse bias there would be a Avalanche breakdown (..LOL). Had it been like a switch/bridge, it would be learning the relationships and establishing connection for life :-)
